Be careful what you wish for

I hesitate to admit this in public, since anyone who knows how scruffy my garden really is (as opposed to how it's represented on this blog) will snort in a disbelieving sort of way into their sleeves at the news, but it's been a secret and long-held ambition to create a garden of a standard where I can think about opening it to the public. A couple of days a year under the wonderful National Gardens Scheme would be enough, like Martyn and Victoria. We'll overlook the fact they're both better gardeners than me and almost certainly a great deal tidier.

You'll note I say "think about". Actually all I really want is to have the sort of garden I don't have to apologise for when people outside the immediate family see it. And just in case the sheer impossibility of someone with my shortcomings in the neatness department turning out a spectacularly well-manicured garden like I would need didn't put me off, I was recently sent a cautionary tale in the form of a poem written by one Caroline Palmer, who clearly has all too much experience in these matters, which has confirmed me in the view that letting people in to admire the garden may be good for your ego, but not so good for your sanity.

When you open to the public

They come along and say

'Oh what a lovely shrub that is'

And take a piece away.

They also like to know the names

of all the plants on view

They never bring a notebook

So they take the labels, too.

They like a pretty garden

And expect a damn good tea

And though it's all for charity

take extra cakes for free.

Because they weren't invited

Inside the house to pass

You'll find them in the flowerbeds

Their faces to the glass.

Tagging along with VP

Couldn't resist this one - VP has invited everyone to join in with a great meme where you get to fish about in your photo folders and post whatever photo is the fourth photo in the fourth folder that comes up.

So here it is. Funnily enough, it's a garden....

To be more precise, it's The Old Croft, a rather lovely garden on Holmwood Common near Dorking which opens under the National Gardens Scheme. We go there every year because they have a fabby swing hanging on very long ropes from their very large and venerable oak (I think) tree which if you get it going fast enough soars thrillingly over the lake. So the girls have a great time and so do I (not on the swing, I hasten to add - far too vertiginous for me). This is the planting in a boggy bit by the lake - they do a lot of this pink-and-orange colour scheme in that bit of the garden, which sounds horrific but is actually stunning in the sunshine. There's a bamboo maze and a hosta garden and... oh... all sorts of things.

I took the photo as part of an attempt to get a magazine to publish an article on it when I first started writing, back in 2006 (my photo folders really need clearing out). Encouraging noises to begin with but then the ed said no in the end. Not sure if it was me or my photos that put her off!

Gorgeous greenhouses

I'm a bit of a sucker for garden visiting - you know, when you get the chance to nose around someone else's garden under the guise of Supporting the National Gardens Scheme. Some are real gems - others less so, but there's usually something you can find to get enthusiastic about.

So while I was on holiday recently in the Isle of Wight I dragged my poor family off again to see someone's back garden (they've even stopped protesting now, having opted for resigned tolerance instead). The one that was open while we were there was Pitt House, near Bembridge, promisingly advertised as being four acres with statues, ponds and a waterfall, plus sea views.

Well - it was nice enough, and the waterfall was lovely as were the sea views, but I couldn't help thinking they could have achieved a bit more with all that space (four acres - and they have two gardeners, too, so no excuses). There was, however, one true gem in amongst the ordinariness: a Victorian greenhouse, entirely original (even had those cast-iron bracket thingies to raise the vents) and utterly gorgeous.

Oooh I want one...

...and look at these grapes. They were cutting bunches for people to taste - absolutely yum.

Best not to eat this one - poisonous. But enormous.

I thought this was a natty idea - invented by the Victorians, of course. It was just a shallow pool of water sunk into the floor of the greenhouse, under a bench. It evaporates over a hot day, keeping humidity levels high without any need for spraying floors or doing anything, really, except topping it up from time to time. It was a bit green and scummy - but you could probably improve things by... oh... planting a tropical waterlily in there or something...

Isn't this sweet? I discovered it tucked away in a corner under the benches. No idea what it was doing there.

And this was the pièce de resistance: backed on to that sumptuous main greenhouse was a sunken one. Just look at those tiles. It was entirely wasted on a load of ropey old fuchsias, but it got my imagination firing on all cylinders. Melons... pineapples... mmm......